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Saturday, April 10, 2004

A Chain Letter to Spammers: May Gmail Be Your Death

Looking through my mailbox today and having to DELETE UNWANTED MESSAGES, I realized again HOW MUCH YOU SPEND your time removing spam. I HATE YOU spam. I mean just WATCH ME ONLINE reading through headline after headline, trying to pick wanted mails. So I find it a VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE to spammers out there to turn their output into UNDELIVERABLE MAIL. I do not know BABRA FROM LIBERIA or PRINCE ABDULLAH RAHMAN ANDANI as they babble on about GRANT FUNDING INFORMATION or MEDS WORLDWIDE or BRITNEY SPEARS NUDE or IDENTITY THEFT. But they keep contacting me. Thus I want to INCREASE THE SIZE of my account – Gmail would be my email VIAGRA. Like, YOU HEARD ABOUT IT, NOW HERE IT IS, GET THE ROYAL TREATMENT. There would be NO PRESCRIPTION NEEDED. Gmail would need to firgure out how to detremine paterns, even when indivual letters are changd. Or when complete sentences are repeated in different ways. Or when whole sentences are repeated in alternating ways. Doing so they would SAVE UP TO 70 PERCENT of my daily deletion routine and SAVE 80% of wanted mails. And at the same time not force me to delete in the first place; because I’d have storage LIKE A CHAMP. Such service would get HIGH RANKINGS in my book: I don’t WANT TO DATE A SUPERMODEL, I want to have interesting email conversations. Getting rid of spam would be the NEW NETWORK PATCH. LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT IT... Google Inc DETECTED A VIRUS, and they are putting their brains together to get rid of it (REAL MEN GET RESULTS). One thing’s for sure, YOU WILL LOVE IT if they did well, so at least YOU SHOULD TRY IT. Let’s hope we are not disappointed, because our despise for spam might turn into despise for Gmail, and ultimately Google. All we really want to do is send CONGRATULATIONS to the guys from Googleplex for finally solving the Web’s #1 problem and STRENGTHEN THE IMMUNE SYSTEM of our inbox. TO LET YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT FROM YOU; just PLEASE SEND THIS LETTER TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW – I’m HOPING FOR YOUR QUICK POSITIVE RESPONSE.

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