The Google Robot FAQ
Frequently Asked Questions
Last update: November 1st, 2030
What are Google Robots?
Google Robots are our human-like machines that walk the earth to record information. They do no harm, and they do not invade your privacy.
What are Google Robots good for?
Our Google Life search website is powered by the Google Robot crawler program. On the Google Life website at life.google.com, you can:
- Find out what menus the local restaurant offers at what prices
- See a perfect 3D shape of all houses in your city
- Know how crowded the bar is you want to go to tonight
- Know what items to find at your local mall
- Find out if your library has a certain book available (Also see: What's a book?)
- Know what you said and who you met 3 weeks ago (this feature is available only to My Public Life™ subscribers)
- Locate your friends (this feature is only available if your friends subscribed to My Public Life™)
- And much more!
I saw a Google Robot entering a library and reading books in it. Is that legal?
Our Google Robots do not record private information. As the books in a library are considered to be public, our Google Robots reserve the right to scan them. However, we do respect the copyright of individual works, and will only show a "fair use" portion on our website.
What happened to other robotic devices, such as the Google Keyhole satellite program, or the Google Print project?
We still use specific robotic devices to record specific information. For example, our Google Robots do not surf the web, yet; this part of the equation is still left to the so-called Googlebot. Also, we still take satellite snapshots of the earth. However, it already shows that Google Robots give a far more detailed 3-dimensional picture of the earth they're walking.
How much do I need to pay to access information the Google Robot recorded?
As you may know, the Google Life Subscription service enables you to access all of Google's information for a yearly subscription fee. If you are not subscribed, you can still use about 80% of our services – our revenue from those comes from the related ads attached to this information.
How many Google Robots walk the earth?
The last number we officially confirmed was 10 million. However, we expanded since then.
Can Google Robots fly?
At this moment, no, but we're constantly working to improve the Google Robot feature range.
Does the Google Robot respect my privacy?
Yes! In fact, privacy (and copyright) was our main focus when originally developing the Google Robot. The Google Robot will not record information such as:
- Private chatter (even when taking place on a public place, such as a mall)
- Diaries, letters or other records as found in the trash (even though the copyright law of some countries permits this, it is our philosophy to not make copies of such data)
- Telephone calls
- Private messages you send through the Google Mail, Google Talk, or Google Adult VirtualConnect service, unless you subscribed to the My Public Life™ program
- Information that can be seen by looking through a window, into a house's garden, etc.
- Any other information law deems private
So what about the My Public Life™ program?
The My Public Life™ program is still in Beta. It enables subscribers to earn money through our AdSense for Life program. If you agree to make your personal talks with friends, your diary entries, your living room and such public, you can in return earn a percentage of the money we make by putting ads onto this information on our public websites. Google Robots at all time know who is a subsriber to the My Public Life™ program, and who isn't. Consequently, they will only follow those humans who are.
A Google Robot was unwilling to help me find my lost car keys. Why?
As trying to locate your keys may involve a violation of your privacy, only subscribers of the My Public Life™ program may use this feature.
Can I opt-out of the My Public Life™ program?
You can opt-out of the program at any time, upon which we will stop recording new information from you and your life. However, please note that the past information, as recorded with your agreement, will still be available on our site for people to search through.
I'm a subscriber of the My Public Life™ program, and a Google Robot recorded what I said yesterday. Who owns the copyright to my speech?
You will retain full copyright to what you say, unless you said it in a public speech.
I heard stories of Google Robots attacking innocent people. Is that true?
No. A Google Robot, by definition of its internal software program, can never harm a human person unless out of self-defense. Under the International Robots Rights Act of 2022, robotic self-defense is a basic right of all robots. Google Robots have specific routines to ensure they are not harmed by malicious users.
I've seen a Google Robot in a DVD shop staring at the backside of a DVD for half a minute, then putting it back in the shelf. Why?
Our Google Robots try to record as much information as possible, and this includes movies. As you may know, Google Robots have a micro laser to read from storage devices such as DVDs, CD-ROMs, or even exotic devices from the 1980s (people at that time used so-called "floppy discs," "music tapes," or "gramophone records"). Additionally, a Google Robot may visit the cinema, watch TV, go to a concert, or attend a public reading.
How many languages do Google Robots speak?
At the moment, Google Robots – thanks to our machine translation efforts – speak 95 different languages fluently, including English, French, Spanish, German, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, and many more. We are updating our Google Robots with new "street lingo" every 1-2 weeks.
I can't find any of Daniel H. Wilson's books in your Google Life search program. For example, the book "How To Survive a Robot Uprising" is missing. Why?
We reserve the right to exclude such information from the Google Life program which may in turn be used for malicious use of our Google Robots. Please understand that a Google Robot is a complex device which can have low-level emotions, fears, hopes and such. Destroy a Google Robot, and you destroyed an (albeit lower) life form.
Is the Google Robot hardware ever checked and updated?
Google Robots return to a Google Warehouse every third night to undergo a routine check. We have plans for the future to let Google Robots take care of each other and check for hardware failures of their colleagues.
I want to talk to a Google Robot and tell him of my problems and more. May I?
Yes! We appreciate it if you share information with a Google Robot. Please note that anything you directly tell to a Google Robot will be automatically indexed in our Google Life search program and be made publicly available.
I heard stories of a Google Robot not helping a woman who was attacked by a robber, even though the robot was in short distance of the crime scene. Why don't Google Robots help?
We are constantly trying to improve the Google Robots program. As you may know, Google Robots receive constant software updates based on our observations of their acts. A Google Robot at no time will attack another human unless out of self-defense. This includes incidences in which the Google Robot has reason to believe another human is acting against the law. We appreciate your feedback on this issue and in some countries, already work together with the local police to find ways of optimizing this behavior.
A Google Robot stepped on my toe! Who can I complain to?
We are sorry for incidences of a Google Robot bumping into you, stepping on your toe, speaking up without being asked, or similar mishaps. We are constantly working to improve the audio-visual and haptic input-output mechanisms of our robots' positronic digibrains. In other words, we're teaching 'em manners!
Is a Google Robot stronger than a human?
Technically, no. E.g., a Google Robot cannot lift very heavy objects at this time. However, if a Google Robot is ever forced to fight a human – which only happens when the Google Robot's self-defense program is activated by malicious use – the Google Robot would easily win by activating its self-defense devices. Please understand that for security reasons, we do not list these self-defense devices in detail here.
How do I auction my stuff to a Google Robot?
As part of our Google Auction program, you can give anything (your books, your electronic devices, your car) to a Google Robot you meet. Should the Google Robot be able to sell it, you will be billed a commission to your Google Wallet account. In the meantime, your items will be safely stored in a Google Warehouse.
How much does a Google Robot weigh?
Google Robots don't like to talk about their weight! But seriously, all of our Series 1 models weigh approximately 60 kg. Our series 2 models weigh approximately 50 kg, even though they are able to run faster, read books quicker, climb better, and jump higher.
I have a feeling of being watched by a Google Robot. What about my privacy?
Again, we take great measures to ensure no privacy is ever invaded. Even if there is a Google Robot next to you, it doesn't mean he records everything you say. You can think of him as a quiet neighbor doing gardening work. Do you suspect your neighbor to spy on your life... just because he's within a short distance of you?
Do Google Robots record everything?
Google Robots, at this time, record sound, imagery, and object shapes (touch), but do not yet record DNA, chemical substances, or fragrances. We are working on bringing a unified fragrance encoding standard to the web, and our prototype computer mouse already emits 2 million different fragrances including variations of honey, tobacco, and wood. We are also working on food testing robots. Please go to the Google Robots homepage at robots.google.com for the latest news and updates.
I still feel like a Google Robot invaded my privacy or breached a copyright. Where do I go to?
You can send privacy or copyright complaints to the following address:
Attn: Google Legal Support, DMCA Complaints
220 Far Earth District
Moonlake, Moon 105
Please include the Google Robot serial number (a Google Robot will always tell you his 16-digit serial number upon being asked), and if possible, the time when this happened. It is not necessary to give us further details about the location or setting, as naturally our Google Robot already recorded this information.
I have found a seemingly dead Google Robot. What should I do?
Please inform the Google authorities by sending an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. We try our best to remove the malfunctioning Google Robot as quick as possible. Normally, Google records malfunctioning Google Robot programs and automatically removes such machinery from the streets via the help of another Google Robot.
There's an urban legend of a Google Robot serial killer. What do you make of that?
We heard this story too, and as all other urban legends, there's not a bit of truth in it.
Why don't Google Robots look just like humans?
It was not a technical decision to make Google Robots look unlike humans, even though they are all to some extent human-like. We did this on purpose to easily allow you to separate a Google Robot from a human. We are running experimental programs in some cities in the US, as well as on Mars, with specialized Google Robot series which may not look like the robots you know.
I never saw a Google Robot with a digital camera. Why not?
A Google Robot's eyes are, in fact, digital cameras. We can record video as well as still imagery. Additionally, a Google Robot can record 3-dimensional imagery.
Under the Patriot Act IV, are you forced to share information crawled by Google Robots with agencies such as the CIA or NSA?
We are sorry, but at this moment we cannot comment on government relationships. We hope you understand. Note that as part of our company motto, "Don't be too evil," we take your privacy concerns very seriously.