Sorrows of a Young Man

I'm really happy with all my heart & soul and everything. Enjoying life at the moment. Am alone in this place which seems to be made for guys like me. In fact I'm enjoying myself so much my drawings are suffering from it. I couldn't sketch a straight line if you put a gun on my head — still, I got this feeling I've never been more of an artist. I've been relaxing in the park, letting the sun shine on my head, feel the heat sinking in, the sweat is dripping, cars are noisy, then I'm lying down on the bench, letting my throughts drift... I'm looking at all the people walk by, people deep in their own thoughts, like little insects, walking, walking... yet I fell their close to my heart, every one of them. I'm feeling the presence of something, call it what you want, something watching, or taking care, maybe that's Lady Fate who means well for us.

And then when I can't even keep my eyes open... and the world keeps rotating... well, then how much I wish I could put all this down here, express what I'm seeing, all the warmth going through me. If only I could make this a mirror of my soul, just like all these people's soul is a mirror of infinity. Yeah, but I'm a victim captured in the city's constant movement, my writing is really inferior to what I'm feeling. No chance!

How happy am I to be away! I'm telling you, what's the heart of man. I'm away from the one I love, yet happy. I know you'll forgive me... been through a lot of broken relationships. Makes you afraid. Poor Leony. But it wasn't my fault that she's got a hot sister. Yeah, maybe I'm not completely innocent. I made the move on her. Funny how she was truly made by nature, you know. Well, I could go on and on, what would I be without complaining.

Friends and readers, I promise I'm going to improve. Won't be chewing through the past again, rather try to enjoy the present. God knows our pain would be small if only we wouldn't be living in the past so much.

Will tell my mother that I'm doing my business well. Was talking to my aunt but couldn't for my life see all the bad you all see in her. She's a tough and happy woman. I was telling her of my mothers problems with the heritage, well, to make it short, I will tell my mother everything's going to be OK. With my small business I realize again that most of the confusion in this world is not due to people being evil, but people being stupid. (At least there's much more of latter.)

Anyway I'm doing really fine here. Loneliness is a pleasure living in such a modern-day paradise. Sun is heating my young heart... walking around, smoking... I'm in awe of every street, car, and building. You want to become one of the ants crawling along the side-walk, looking up the buildings, enjoying the constant background noise, drifting through the waves of different fragrances here, feeding the senses. (And sure, I'm going to give up smoking one day... isn't everyone?)

Downtown's not that nice, but the places around are great. The old landlord (now dead) put up a little pool and video-games parlor near-by. It's not a business-man's place, when you step into it you can feel there was someone behind it with all his heart. All those old machines and dark corners and funny things. I've been thinking about the old man stepping through this place quite a lot.
It's like his place has now become mine. The old woman feeding us pigeons here with bread-crumbs, well, coffee... since several days she seems to be enjoying my company as well. I'm relaxing there in the evening, with a beer or two, and the time away from others helps me focus. It's become something like my little place to chill.