The Google Book
By V.C. Vickers, 1913
Presented by Google Blogoscoped

FAR! FAR away, the Google lives, in a land which only children can go to. It is a wonderful land of funny flowers, and birds, and hills of pure white heather.

The Google has a beautiful garden which is guarded night and day. All through the day he sleeps in a pool of water in the center of the garden; but when the night comes, he slowly crawls out of the pool and silently prowls around for food.

All the birds try to avoid the Google, because they don't like him and he frightens them; but some of them he can never catch, especially those with the red beaks. You can never see these birds anywhere except in Google land which is far far away, and only children can go there; and even they must be nearly – but not quite – asleep.

Now in this book you will find pictures of Google birds; some, though ugly, are very nice; others, though pretty, are very nasty. So, perhaps, really the pretty ones are ugly and the ugly ones pretty!

Who can tell?

The Google's Garden

Now on the facing page you see
The Google's garden (looking East);
The animal, that sits on guard,
Is quite a harmless little beast.
Please note the 'Pleecemen Birds' as well
On either side stand sentinel.

The Lesser Nockit

How can one describe this remarkable bird
Which no one has seen and which everyone's heard;
It hammers and knocks on the trees and the rocks,
And batters and raps at the windy,
And rattles old bones and shuffles the stones
And kicks up a terribly shindy
                       And hullaballoo!
It never stops still and it makes people ill
With its nerve-racking ear-splitting cry,
Which it utters they say both by night and by day,
And really I cannot think why!
                       No more can you!

The Tango

The Tango trips upon her toes,
(That's why she's called the Tango)
And if you tease her, off she goes
As quickly as she can go!

The Brown Willy

Just look at Brown Willy
Now isn't he silly?
He's just caught an eel in the water!
He'll throw it up high
Right into the sky
To be caught in the air by his daughter!

(Those two little things are flies,
not aeroplanes)

The Sun Bird

That great head, at any rate for me, has
  Positively no attraction,
And its general appearance gives one
  Very little satisfaction.
Yet what perspicacity we find there
  Hidden in his ugly brain-pan.
Keen wits a lunatic may have too,
  Just the same as any sane man.

  (I can't understand a word of this,
           can you Mother?)

The Lemonsqueezer

Have you seen the Lemonsqueezer
  Feeding Herbert and Louisa?

The Blue-Billed Ork

This excessively conceited bird spends all
his time looking for starfish, jellyfish, and
crabs, and when he sees one near him he
just loosens his neck and lets his beak
  You can't see any starfish or crabs in the
picture because he isn't hungry just now.

      O! little crab, O! little crab,
      Be careful where you walk,
      Or you may find yourself inside
      The Tummy of the Ork!

The Flabbytoes

But mark!! What is that sound I hear? Someone in agony I fear! – Oh no!! It is old Flabbytoes, You can't mistake his funny nose.

The Shivver-Doodle

To break the ice in wintry climes and dive into
  the Sea
To get one's food at feeding times, does not
  appeal to me.
If I liked fish, I would not wish to eat it raw
  and chew it,
But then you see I am not he, cos' he has got to
  do it.

Great Skull-Headed Stone Trot

With ponderous tread he walks for miles
And miles amongst the stones,
Searching along the sandy shore
For fossils shells and bones.

And when the wind is moaning
And the night is very dark,
If you listen at the window
You can sometimes hear him, – Hark!

The Poggle

The Poggle, as you have probably heard,
Is also known as the Pineapple Bird.
By nature he is soft and gently kind
To smaller birds who love his fruity mind.
So tame that he will feed out of your hands.
(He lives exclusively on wasps with yellow

The Great McDoo or Dewar Bird

The Great McDoo, aged ninety-nine,
Is rare but very cold,
And even in the winter time
Is thirsty so I'm told.

The Junket

The little Junket spots his food
From almost any altitude,
Volplanés from an awful height
And plunges almost out of sight!

The Little Horn Back

This funny thing lives in a part of Google
Land where there are dreadful Landslips and

  When he hears the roar of an approaching
Avalanche, he snuggles in under his hard horny
back and just waits for trouble. But the falling
rocks and stones slide over his back and only
made him tickle.

  Sometimes he gets completely covered up
and remains buried for several weeks, but he
always crawls out all right, for no Little Horn
Back has ever been hurt by a mere Avalanche.

The Swank

The Swank is quick and full of vice,
He tortures beetles also mice.
He bites their legs off and he beats them
Into a pulp, and then he eats them.

The Wilyou or Pagoda Bird

Now if you said
When you're in bed,
'Ah Wilyou,
'Will you sing?'
He would reply
And quickly take to wing.

The Soft-Nosed Wollop

The Soft-nosed Wollop lives on ice,
(In summer, Halibuts and Soles)
And when it's slippery he turns
Upon his back and rolls.

The Mirabelle

Old sailors have a tale they tell,
How once the song of a Mirabelle
Enticed a ship upon the rocks
Where perished all the crew.
I think it most improbable
That such a bird would cast a spell
Upon a ship, don't you?

The Gogo or Camel Bird

Now this is one of the largest birds to be
found in all Google Land, and there really
is not room enough for his body in the
  He eats most every living thing, and
especially little young birds that can hardly
  He is horribly cruel, and no one (not
even the Google itself) wants him to remain
in Google Land.
  That's why they call him Gogo.

The Google's Garden

(Looking West)
Which view d'you think the prettiest?


The sun is setting –
Can't you hear
A something in the distance
I wonder if it's –
Yes!! it is
That horrid Google
On the prowl!!!