Google Blogoscoped

Saturday, March 27, 2004

The New Google

But what, just what would happen, if... the mighty king would fall? A new castle, a new army would have to be build. A king’s strength is foresight and focus; as now he will ask the court’s loyal wizard to rub the magic crystal ball and show the future, so that he himself the great king can prepare an afterlife of newfound glory. And in the ball appear 10 spheres...

[Google 2020]

1. The Google Car

The Google Car would be electric and solar driven. To please ecominded neo-hippies as well as your everyday businessman trying to save money. And you just got to have a unique selling point. The Google Car would be easy to use, fast and simple-looking in bright red-green-blue-and-yellow colors. Far from being a macho car (who likes easy to use when it comes to driving?), the Google Car would mostly appeal to women.

Chances this takes off: Average to Low. Driving and Searching are too unrelated.

2. The Google Magazine

The Google Magazine would highlight current Web events. Every page would show a search box on top with the current topic in it. There would be a lot of techno babble, some funky left-sided world commentary, and (right) some more techno babble.

Chances this takes off: Average. Though every nerd on the planet would love to get new insight into search algorithms and other hot topics, the whole thing would come off too much as biased advertisement.

3. The Google Telescope

We all know Google finds every webpage, nevermind it’s really far away. So why not have Google search for distant stars, too? Say hello to the Google Telescope, combining the latest buzzwords into a real neat astronomy gadget. It’s connected to a giant database assiging individual PlanetRank. Finding and naming new planets will replace blogging as favorite digerati sport.

Chances this takes off: Average to Low. There are just not enough new planets popping up on day-to-day basis.

4. The Google PC

This computer, the Google PC, would be hailed as the next bubble. The most radical Mac designers, the most successfull Windows marketers, the highest-praised Linux technicians as well as Google’s interface designers get together to define the PC of the new millenium (even though the new millenium already started, let’s face it, we’re stuck with last-century Windows).

Chances this takes off: Average to High. Computer people love Google. Computer people hate Windows.

5. The Google Drink

The Google Drink would come in different colored plastic bottles. Red for Strawberry Coke, Blue for Icecold Vodka Mix, and so on. If you remove the little sticker you have the chance to win PageRank 10.

Chances this takes off: Average to High. And only because of the PageRank competition.

6. The Google Swiss Army Knife

They say Google is the Swiss Army Knife of searching. So why not have the Google Swiss Army Kife of Swiss Army Knifes. Besides the usual macrosword gizmo, a website-owner targetted feature would be the PageRank calculator. If ever you are out in the woods in desperate need of one.

Chances this takes off: High. A neat price tag for a highly effective way to show off.

7. Google the Movie

We are entering the fuzzy realms of art, so this one is all about quality execution: the Google Movie. Follow the adventures of young Sergei as he struggles through university, gets locked into the server room for three days and nights without anything to eat, only to be heroically rescued by equally young Larry. From the romantic invention of PageRank to the testosterone-driven battle against search engine spammers, this flick will please both genders.

Chances this takes off: Average to High. Even though the basic plot leans towards geek it could be a critics darling.

8. Google the Book

“Just like the movie, except with text instead of pictures” – that’s what the blurb on Google the Book might read. Conspiracy theorists will argue this techno thriller reveals the secret behind PageRank if you stare at page forty-two long enough.

Chances this takes off: Average to High. Content is king, but this one largely depends on the box office popularity of the Google movie as detailed above.

9. Google the Time Machine

Michael J. Fox laid out the theory in early to late 80s, and the Google engineers are said to be the damn smartest around. If they can’t pull off building a time machine, who could? For a hefty $20,000, everyone and their sister could travel back to 1994 and reserve their favorite top level domain.

Chances this takes off: High. Google brand aside, wouldn’t we just love to have a time machine of our own?

10. The New Google

If Google ever stumbles and falls, why not market as the, well, the new Google. It would come with improved formula, fresher colors, and bigger index. The interface would be optimized in large testings with 2,000 trained monkeys, aiming for an even easier interface.

Chances this takes off: Average. But even when it fails there is the chance of a heavy retro wave of people going back to the original, thus making it stronger than before. After all, don’t we just all love what Google is now?

Microsoft Plans News and Blog Search

“Expanding its push into the Internet search space, Microsoft says it plans to launch Internet search services for news and Web logs later this year.

The new services, called MSN Newsbot and MSN Blogbot, up the ante in the battle for Internet search market share.”
– Joris Evers, Microsoft Readies News, Blog Services ( Yahoo), Mar 26, 2004

PageRank Prediction Tool

The Google PageRank Prediction not only tells you the current PR of any URL you enter, but it also tries to guess what the future holds in store for your site. According to the prediction for this blog, after the next Google update I will have a PageRank increase of 6.23%, staying stable at 6. [Via The Unofficial Google Weblog.]

Wonder how someone can know the Google PageRank? See former grabbing PageRank for clues.


“SEARCHGUNK: Material found in search engine results that’s irrelevant to the topic for which you’re searching. Not necessarily useless, bad, or the result of search engine spamming – just not relevant to what you’re actually trying to find.”
Word of the Day – Searchgunk (ResearchBuzz), March 26, 2004


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