Sorrows of a Young Man

Yeah, I should keep up doing sketches... to tell the truth, I didn't get much done lately. I shouldn't even talk about it.

You see, I was never happier before. Never before felt closer to everything (houses, cars, trees, people, lamp posts, traffic signs, the park, park bench, grass around it)... never felt a deeper sensation towards all that. Yet it blurs in front of me. I feel too weak to grab the shapes, get them inside me and out of me again and down on paper. But I got this feeling I could shape things now, just give me some wax, and I'll create a little city for you. Better, just hand me a heavy stone and I'll hammer it into something that survives time and all.

I tried to sketch Jennifer three times already. Tried it, and made a prostitute out of myself. That's even worse considering I felt so up to this just a while ago. I finally went for a speed sketch of her profile, and that should be all for now.

My family's bothering me about a change in direction and business. Get things going, get active. It just makes me laugh 'cause those things don't matter to me. I tell you, if you're just doing something for others, just do it for the money... if you're not behind things with all your heart and everything... then you're a real fool.