Sorrows of a Young Man

The sorrows of a young man in the city, being a palimpsest of Goethe's Werther.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

She's too innocent

God, how my whole body's shaking, blood racing through my veins, whenever my hand happens to touch her, incidentally. When my feet meet hers under the table... retreating like I touched fire, but there's this magnetic force pulling me back again. Makes you go crazy.

She's too innocent to realize those little intimate movements of her get me high. When we talk, and she's putting her hands on mine... or when she's coming closer to my face, and I can feel her breath on my lips. I just want to... and you know, I'm not supposed to... don't dare to ever make use of it all. That trust she puts in me. I'm not bad, you know, I got a weak heart. She's holy to me, yet I could just... when I'm around her, I'm really out of my mind. I don't know what's happening, she's got this melody, playing it on the piano like an angel... it's the song of her body, and it's getting into mine. A melody that grabs me on first note and throws me into the mad house.

It's ancient magic, believe it, such a simple tune. She knows how to play it, play it like an attack, at times making me want to put a gun against my head, pull the trigger. OK, if you think I'm freaking out, it's already getting better. Clouds gone, mind breathing freely again.

[She's too innocent]

I'm not fooling myself

I'm not fooling myself. Really, in her black eyes I can see empathy and warmth towards me. I'm feeling — I don't know if I have the right to say this — feeling her love.

She loves me! Knowing that, maybe you understand how much I adore myself now.

Maybe I'm just crazy, and maybe I got the right feeling. And yet, when she's talking about her boyfriend... with so much love... then it's just like someone's taking all I got from me, leaving me without a leg to stand on, powerless.

[I'm not fooling myself]


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