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Monday, May 29, 2006

How to Write a Kitschy Marketing Letter

Ionut Alex. Chitu is a computer science student at the University of Bucharest, Romania. He likes AI, solving interesting math problems, weird books and movies, and he tries to improve with every new day.

  1. First put a big header.
  2. Write short lines with a lot of bold text, and highlighted text.
  3. Use lists to split your content.
  4. Be redundant, repeat the same 3 ideas many times. This way you’ll have more content.
  5. Don’t forget to write how much money your visitor will get if they buy your products. The sums should be huge.
  6. If you promote an AdSense book, include screenshots with your reports. It’s easy: save your reports, open the source with Notepad and instead of $5, type $512.
  7. Your offer should be exclusive and time limited. Even if you sell videos or PDF files, you should say there’s a big demand. So buy now!
  8. Put testimonials with enthusiastic text, beautiful photos and random names.
  9. You should always say you offer 30 days money back guarantee. Nobody knows what that means, but it must be there. It gives you a feeling of comfort.
  10. But wait, that’s not all: along with our great products, you’ll also get a bunch of useless tutorials, screensavers and another copy of our great book. All for just $99.99, instead of $299.99. So buy now!

As seen on many get-rich-without-doing- anything-than-paying-us sites, like


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