Monday, January 21, 2008

Google Un-Products

Here is a list of Google non-products and services straight from Uncyclopedia, the kind of all-lying, inverted Wikipedia (I’ve linked to it before but it keeps growing):

• G-ma. Locates yo mamma and yo mamma’s mamma. (Beta 3.1 will allow you to locate yo mamma’s mamma’s mamma.)
• Blogger. Allows people to voluntarily give up their personal information. Officially, it’s out of beta; unofficially, it is still in beta.
• Google Cat. Allows users to share discovered cats with one another and to send cat pictures to any mobile phone number
• Googlebomb. Googlebomb allows armed forces to contract out air strikes to Google.
• Google Idiot. Locates the biggest idiot in the region. Used by the secret service to keep track of the president. (beta)
• GoogleGoogle. Search engine which attempts to keep track of all the various products and services put out by Google. Still in beta.
• Gmale. Finds a good man. Currently, despite work to extend the database and improve search algorithms, this service takes a long time to return search results, because a good man is hard to find. Still in beta.
• G-sus. Finds redemption from original sin. Still in beta, so you’re all going to hell.
• Google Moo. An engine that finds the nearest cow, and can be used to kill, milk, electrify, blow up, or choke a cow.
• Googletravel. Search for a place to go and you will be zapped right there, early issues include the inability to return, so its suggested that plan ahead. So take money, food, drink and a shelter.
• Google Cube. Big, red, ominous cube with EYE BEAMS that sits in front of the Googleplex, with the words GOOGLE CUBE on it. It shoots at anything that moves, within one mile, and shoots at all red things. Google never said why they made it
• GoogleD. The 27th dimension, where time is replaced by server crashes and data-loss.

[Hat tip to Mathias Schindler! Uncyclopedia content comes with some rights reserved.]

Google Un-Products by Philipp Lenssen | Comments (7)

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