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The Internet FAQ from 2085  (View post)

WebSonic.nl [PersonRank 10]

Tuesday, May 20, 2008
10 years ago11,344 views

Nice :-)

James Xuan [PersonRank 10]

10 years ago #

OMFG Hilarious!

GSpider [PersonRank 1]

10 years ago #

What about Googlebot?

Googlebot is spider was invented by Googlecom. From 1881 to 2025 the spider was crawling like crazy to collect all online information you can imagine about humans including (name, age, sex, work info, sleep time (trend), brain capacity, family and friends (facebook) , bank accounts, passwords, public data, private data, hidden data even you computer desktop data (google desktop) and no one was able to hide from it.

TOMHTML [PersonRank 10]

10 years ago #

"... and as its standards changed quickly over the years, it is impossible to decode most of the information contained within."

Some ayatollahs of open formats will attempt suicide on reading that phrase.

Jack Hynes [PersonRank 6]

10 years ago #

Sounds like Idiocracy or Futurama to me. I love it! Though if they think the internet had been in development for 150,000 years in 77 years I would question the methods of these so-called 'scientists'.

Marcin Sochacki (Wanted) [PersonRank 10]

10 years ago #

Philipp, what do you smoke and why don't you share with others? :-)

Human#rest [PersonRank 0]

10 years ago #

I really love this post.
Brilliant.

GSpider [PersonRank 1]

10 years ago #

I am kidding , Google is a great company.

Mark Draughn [PersonRank 5]

10 years ago #

How intelligent are humans?

A few scientists assert that that humans are of notable intelligence based on the three principle human inventions---the internet, post-it notes, and deep-dish pizza---but most experts agree they were barely intelligent enough to survive in the wild. This conclusion is considerd confimed by recent breakthroughs in translating "video", a common internet data format, which indicate that humans were so stupid that they had to use nearly 30 percent of the internet just to remind themselves of basic mating procedures.

Brandon Werner [PersonRank 1]

10 years ago #

Yes.. I miss Douglas Adams too Philipp :-)

Glenn Allen [PersonRank 1]

10 years ago #

Above all...

Don't panic. ;D

Ben Allen [PersonRank 10]

10 years ago #

Gahh.. my towel's in the wash.

Ramibotros [PersonRank 10]

10 years ago #

lol .. loved the last part

Rex Pechler [PersonRank 0]

10 years ago #

Good stuff. Let's make this a meme... I want to see more of these.

Matthias Schwenk [PersonRank 0]

10 years ago #

Brilliant and really inspiring! Very well done.

Rohit Srivastwa [PersonRank 10]

10 years ago #

LOL
real good one philipp

Pechos Boob [PersonRank 0]

10 years ago #

SO BAD!!

BORII!!!!!!ING!!!

macbeach [PersonRank 6]

10 years ago #

I wish I had written this.

Lorenzo [PersonRank 0]

10 years ago #

It was known that humans, in fact, were only the third most intelligent specimen in planet 5010. The second ones were, of course, the dolphins. So long!

Cess [PersonRank 0]

10 years ago #

Hilarious!!
Love the part of the most popular entity from 2000 to 2020 xD!!
Well done =)

Staria [PersonRank 0]

10 years ago #

Hahah!
Brilliant! I really love how you wrote this!
n_n

Shahid [PersonRank 0]

10 years ago #

Great stuff :) Reminds me of Deus Ex!

martinsc [PersonRank 1]

10 years ago #

hahaha awesome!

BUGabundo [PersonRank 7]

10 years ago #

[put at-character here]GSpider
"to collect all online information"

In 5050 they wont know what "online" is....

BUGabundo [PersonRank 7]

10 years ago #

by the way, Philipp, this one is one of the best ones u ever wrote.

Is there a tag for all your "futuristic" stories?
Or same way to distinguish from the news stories?

Clement [PersonRank 0]

10 years ago #

Philipp, I couldn't stop myself from translating this to French and posting it on my blog, I just liked it so much :).
Thanks for the good time i had reading (and translating) this :
clement-biger.info/2008/05/21/ ...

Miser [PersonRank 1]

10 years ago #

What is privacy?

A now obsolete term to descibe to obstructionists habit to block information flow. Privacy was faded out in favour of 'security' which allowed governments unrestricted access to all information. The Universal Intelligence was build using using the information thus gathered. Security is now no longer nescessary as the Universal Intelligence has unrestricted access to all information and can act upon it at will.

Privacy is still in use by the primitive abolitionists of planet 42-THX1138/{0^3}. This planet is in use a a test *) ground for innovative algorithms of theUniversal Intelligence.

*) Note that no visible physical harm is done to the subject population in these tests.

jasdeep [PersonRank 0]

10 years ago #

Awesome

tomstrong [PersonRank 0]

10 years ago #

Better 500 – 1000 years in the future, and after some kind of global catastrophe, ok. So "The Internet FAQ from 3085" would be apropriate . Such ignorance, although funny, would be impossible only 70 years in the future.

Satan [PersonRank 6]

10 years ago #

Very well done! Especially the fuzzy stuff like "Britneyspears" from the 70s; excellent touch to the realism.

David Mulder [PersonRank 10]

10 years ago #

Just one answer: google.nl/search?hl=en&q=a ...

Harshit Pandey [PersonRank 1]

10 years ago #

Great Good one ... really intersting piece ..l.

Philipp Lenssen [PersonRank 10]

10 years ago #

> Is there a tag for all your "futuristic" stories?

Here's a couple:

The Google Robots FAQ (Last update: November 1st, 2030)
blogoscoped.com/googlerobot/

A Talk to Google’s Larry Page in 2038
blogoscoped.com/archive/2005-1 ...

Froogle 2020
blogoscoped.com/archive/2004_0 ...

Inventions of the Google Empire (2003)
blogoscoped.com/archive/2003_0 ...

The Online Brain
blogoscoped.com/archive/2003_1 ...

Life 07
blogoscoped.com/archive/2007-0 ...

The Google To-Do List (2005)
blogoscoped.com/archive/2005-0 ...

The New Google (2004)
blogoscoped.com/archive/2004_0 ...

What If Google Was Totally Evil (2004)
blogoscoped.com/archive/2004_0 ...

Search Engines Near And Distant Future (2003)
blogoscoped.com/archive/2003_0 ...

5 Google Inventions of the Future (2004)
blogoscoped.com/archive/2004_1 ...

/pd [PersonRank 10]

10 years ago #

ok this site is blacklist – while having coffee.. I spewed out coffee while read the post.

Philipp , you are wickedly cynical and humorous. This was ingenious :)- Return to the Plant of the APES!!

"You can find representative entities of the human species in most local zoos. Visitors of model version 4.55 and lower receive special discounts; while the brain of humans is likely incapable of experiencing pain, please do not feed or break them."

Matt [PersonRank 0]

10 years ago #

Nice work. Really better titled "Internet Wikipedia Page 2085"

TWL [PersonRank 0]

10 years ago #

Completely awesome! But what sort of birthday song should we all be singing as the Web that is 2.0 ages plus one more?? Some are starting to sing, will more join in?

webpoet.wordpress.com/2008/05/ ...

TWL

scjm [PersonRank 10]

10 years ago #

Someone read 1984.

Trav [PersonRank 1]

10 years ago #

As an ancestor of the future zoo inhabitants, I'd like to request that visitors DO feed us; these protein pills taste like thermal paste!

stefan2904 [PersonRank 10]

10 years ago #

Who controlled the internet?
Google

!?

krishna srinivasan [PersonRank 1]

10 years ago #

Good one

David E. Y. Sarna [PersonRank 0]

10 years ago #

See googlegazer.com/2008/05/21/ima ... for an "imagination" on what Google will look like in 2014, which is closer, and scary enough!

Jaseem Umer [PersonRank 0]

10 years ago #

How in the world can this happen this much early (in 2085). I would never tell this will come true in 2085.

Slippy Lane [PersonRank 1]

10 years ago #

+1 for Mark Draughn's comment near the top. I lol'd

Mabela Pérez [PersonRank 1]

10 years ago #

Really interesting back-view. I only wonder why you don't mention this really ugly period when some humans began to plug into the web using home-made neural interfaces for full immersion and so many died until artificial feeding of the bodies was the solution during some time given by still existing administrations. While some of us where already part of the digital swarm and had left behind our fleshware, every sudden dead was like an earthquake in UI. Don't you only talk so nicely, born fleshly in 1999, I am originally a female unit remembering this horrible and disgusting things very well. The worst of all: These suicide penatrators that plugged off to merge into the UI flowing around like mud. There is a lot to talk about these very dark times.

[Anonymous] [PersonRank 4]

10 years ago #

why does the universal intelligence has the christian chronology?
does the U.A. believe in jesus christs birthday?
what should they need chronology for?
please reconsider this timeframe.

anything else is great.

greetings,
britney

ShitZo [PersonRank 0]

10 years ago #

Kind of bittersweet but very nicely written.

Mabela Pérez [PersonRank 1]

10 years ago #

Hi Britney, the time-frame is transitional and will be changed soon. 2085 is, actually, 135 a.T. (after Turing).

Core [PersonRank 1]

10 years ago #

I tought it was cool, but when I read the last part, I didn't like it anymore. It's stupid, and insolting. I just can't stand that way of thinking. If it was 2035., who had ruled the universe? not people? man, we have, not somebody else :S

Mabela Pérez [PersonRank 1]

10 years ago #

2085 is a joke, it´s around the corner. But on the long term I believe – I am serious – that we will change a lot in a direction we can´t even imagine.

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